She filmed Iran’s violent crackdown on protesters. Now she is afraid to go outside
BEIRUT: As tear gas canisters landed among protesters filling the wide boulevard, the 37-year-old beautician and her friends ran for cover. They sheltered among trees, concealed in darkness pierced only by the glow of streetlights and small fires behind them in the western Iranian city of Karaj.
Then gunfire rang out, audible in the video she was taking on her phone.
“Don’t be afraid,” she screamed repeatedly, her voice breaking. The crowd joined at the top of their lungs: “Don’t be afraid. We are all together.”But after the bloodshed of that night, the beautician, like countless others, has retreated into terrified isolation. She moved in with her mother, afraid to be alone, and has huddled there, anxious and unable to sleep.
A blanket of fear has settled over Iran, she said, and a sense of grief and quiet rage has taken over. “When you look at people in the street, it feels like you are seeing walking corpses, people with no hope left to continue living,” she said in a text message in late January.Monitoring groups say at least 6,854 were killed, most on Jan. 8 and 9, but they say the full number could be triple that. The clampdown since has also been unprecedented. A monthlong internet blackout has hidden the full extent of what happened, even as more than 50,000 people have been reported detained.
The Associated Press received more than a dozen videos as well as text messages the beautician sent to a relative of hers in Los Angeles during sporadic openings in the internet shutdown. The beautician gave permission for the material to be shared.
Her videos and messages provide a raw account of the exuberance that protesters felt taking to the streets last month — and the shock that She gave up on having a family or children, the relative said. Everything was too expensive, and it was too repressive in Iran to bring up kids.
She had little faith in Iranian politicians claiming to be moderates and reformers, the relative said. But she joined protests. The power of a popular movement fueled her sense that change in Iran was possible.
She participated in the 2022 protests ignited by the death of Mahsa Amini, who died after being arrested for not wearing her headscarf to the liking of authorities. But she was Her desire changed “from saving her country to saving herself,” the relative said. Her family looked for opportunities for her to leave Iran, but they never materialized.
When protests triggered by the plunging value of Iran’s currency began in late December, she didn’t take part at first.
“Are they using live bullets?” she cried out. “Shameless! Shameless!The AP is withholding the names of the beautician and her relative for their security. The AP verified the location and authenticity of her videos, which corresponded with known features of the area around Samandehi Park in Karaj. The AP could not verify all details in her account, but it broadly conforms with accounts from other protesters documented by the AP and rights groups.The beautician’s videos show protesters filling a main boulevard in Karaj. Their confidence bolstered by their numbers, they walk unhurriedly among the trees. Women, men and children chant, ” Death to Khamenei, ” referring to Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei.
Some chanted in support of the exiled crown prince Reza Pahlavi, the son of Iran’s last shah, who had called for the public to turn out. Some set up bonfires and formed protest circles around them.One night in late January, she went out briefly to withdraw money from the bank sent by her relative. But the bank had no cash.
Over all the years of repression, “we always kept going, strong,” she wrote.
Not this time.
“We are all in mourning, filled with anger that we no longer even dare to shout out, for fear of our lives. Because they have no mercy.”